Saturday, July 24, 2010

Welcome. On My Forehead.

I am the type who always looks after everyone. Always. I put everyone's needs before my own and I always end up sad and crying to myself at night because I don't take care of myself and I feel like a doormat. You'd think this might actually stop the cycle, one day I'd say "no, this is what I want and I'm taking it." However, if I don't do everything I can to make others happy all the time I feel like I'm a terrible person.
Before he left, the guy I currently am, well, lets be honest here, am irrationally in love with, asked me, "You're like me. You're always taking care of others but who's going to take care of you?"
Certainly not myself. It's sad isn't it, when you thought you were this emotionally strong person who had so many great attributes but you can't even have the strength to make sure you're okay.
I guess I'm the doormat forever.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Signs, Destiny and Idiocy.

Clerical Errors.
With a last name like Smith, you assume that people will automatically know how to spell your name. Remember in like, grade 7 or whatever when you got introduced to the "when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." parable? All I did was laugh because the teacher totally just said ass.
I never assume that I will make errors. I know this is stupid, and you can totally call me on it. 99% of the time I write on this it's because I've done something stupid and it's branched into some revelation that I need to write a much deeper than it really should be analysis of. It's not like I'm curing cancer here, I hope at the very least to entertain. Though my life feels like an endless plot of punch lines I hope there's something deeper.
My point.
By the time this goes live my best friend will (hopefully) know that I made a very huge, very epic clerical error. I forgot an underscore. I've always hated those bloody things, especially when people put two in a row and it's like "is that one, two, or five. Are you twenty, twelve, or nine?"
I would like to point out that my articles I write professionally are not so Joyce-esque. They're written properly with impeccable grammar, sentence structure and whatnot.
I've also been thinking a lot about fate. Do we get signs? If I go for the Catholic view I was raised with- which I'm totally considering thanks to St. Anthony for finding my elephant necklace and black hoodie, I could almost interpret the Saints sending me signs that I've been (pathetically, desperately) asking[/begging] for.
And what about love? I've never been an expert on the stuff, but I'm told it's fantastic and that you'll know when you are. How do you know? What if you know but you want to deny it, or transfer it. How does an intangible force rule the world?
The problem with me is that I ask so many questions, but never try for the answers or solutions.
Wish me luck on this one... That sentence totally just afforded me another sign. I think I'll listen.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Update on all that is Sandy...

You know what's unnecessarily complicated?
Booking a hostel in Edinburgh with the only information that it's 50 pounds a week.
Actually, considering the amount of hostels in Edinburgh this shouldn't surprise me. It's tough to book a trip where you don't have money or any clue what you're doing, however, it's what I got myself into, so there ya go.
In other Sandy news, Brushed got put under construction. I'm toiling away on the new Music Crush but Underpants (fashion!) is written and sent.
I leave in 125 days and I'm going to cover my journey on my other blog. It won't be launching until I leave (125 days!), and of course I'll still write on here.
Right now I'm in front of the hot tub at Harrison, which is totally calling me, but my dinner reservations are in half an hour.
For those of you in the loop, my semester abroad loop changed. I now fly into Rome, then head to Florence, Venice, Lucerne, Paris and finish classes in London. Then I have to figure out what to do with myself- If I'm not automatically considered for EU Medicare, I have to go back to Italy and live there for long enough to fill the requirements. I'm heading up to Scotland to stay with Sharna for Hogmanay- Scottish New Years! If that falls through though, I might just do the Topdeck package- provided they still have it.
Not having a plan kind of scares me, but at the same time I've never felt freer :)

**You might have noticed little links, they're totally clickable and done by me- you're welcome :)***

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Alphabet of Things I think are Wrong With Me A.

A while back, and I mean a WHILE back, I wrote for something.. I don't remember if it was this or not, and, inspired my one of my favourite comics, Animals Have Problems Too, I embarked on my own version of the alphabet of things I think are wrong with me. Except without drawings of animals. I failed art school. Don't judge me.


This is why I wake up in houses with 2 Irish guys, an Aussie and a Kiwi on the morning after St. Patricks day. Do a walk of shame in green thigh high socks. You'll love every moment of your life that is not that moment after that moment happens.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Required Reading?

It's there. Right there. In black ink glaring up at me.

Today I practically failed the midterm, mostly in part due to lack of preparation, I did not read the book, however, I didn't feel the shame or guilt wash over me until I saw it there. Right there. In black ink. I have just realized that no matter how much flack I give everything in life when I screw up, I'm really only hurting me. Not only my present self, but my future self and my past self.
Something in me wrote it. In black ink, it's there. Right there. Something in me wanted to do it, get through. What part of me tossed that aside when someone said, "Do it." Suddenly it became a requirement, something I was no longer doing for me. How did this happen?
Maybe everything that's required is really something I'm doing for me, because there. Right there. In black ink. It's listed as something I wanted to achieve and overcome. There, amongst the lists of books I want to ravage and defeat, it says:
"Aenid, Virgil"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

10 Things I Want To Do To The Guy In The Adjacent Study Thing.

I'm "studying", he's sleeping. It is tempting.
1) Push his head into his book.
2) Slam a book really loud and startle him
3) Start a really loud JOEL PLASKETT RADIO ATTACK!
4) Make pancakes and wave them by his nose. No one can sleep through pancakes.
5) Conspire with everyone to quietly leave the library so he wakes up confused.
6) Draw on him.
7) Put a kick me sign on his back
8) Hand in warm water, classic.
9) Take his tea bag out of his tea because it'll be too strong and I feel bad for him.
10) Tickle him.

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Positive List, By Popular Demand

blair.jones, this one's for you- and my sanity! woot!
Why My Life Is A Lot Cooler Than I Let Myself Think It Is:
1) I have great friends.
I do, even though I'm a bitch to them like 99% of the time, I secretly love them, deep down inside.
2) One of those friends is Australian and ridiculously hot.
See bows and buckles, but yeah. He makes me blush and giggle, and I think he really likes me.
3) My dog rocks some serious socks.
He's just sitting there, being all cute, when he barks, he just stands there, barking all cute.
4) I start rugby tomorrow.
I've always wanted to play- help out with those aggression issues I attempt to hide.
5) I'm like REALLY pretty.
just sayin'.
6) I'm finally doing something I really, really want.
I'm going to be an amazing archaeologist. I know it.


So, as we all know I partner in many little blog projects. I like to write, it's something I don't have to take too seriously, probably the only think I don't take too seriously. Anyway, the point of this little ramble is that my friend Allyson and I have started a blog that, unlike this one, goes into the specifics of the wonderful world of our dating lives. You're going to have lots of fun reading about how her and I find and screw up dating processes. It's already started whooo!
So, I introduce you too.....
Bows and Buckles

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The 5 Reasons I Might Fail College.

So, when I started this whole college thing, I said that I would focus, study EVERY night, all night. keep on top of shit, ya know?
Ohhhh how I bullshit myself. Thus, the reasons I might fail School.
1) This Shit Is Hard.
I know I'm smart. I KNOW that. But dam, college is hard. I'm taking two classes on Ancient Rome and 2 in Anthropology and 1 in Latin and Greek. I'm already confused and it's only the first week.

2) I Lack Background Knowledge.
I know I probably only feel this way, but everyone seems to know stuff that I just... don't. That said, I am surprised at my recovery of evolution from bio 11. I should write a thank you card to Ms. Morgan because she obviously jedi mind tricked it in.
I know I'm not the only person sitting there with no clue about anything the prof's reference; the same three people are the ones with the wealth of knowledge. Maybe it's just snobbery on their part. No one likes a show off!

3) I Have No Clue Where To Start.
Everyone seems to know what's going on, but I have no clue. The prof's talk about chapter assignments, people have convos about what they did to study. I read what's on the outline, which wasn't what the chapter was about.

4) HBO.
I know it's a cop out, but it's just so tempting. Don't tell me you don't love Summer Heights High or Cathouse.

5) I've Already Skipped One Class.
Today I didn't really eat breakfast and by my second class I felt like shit. I totally made an ass of myself by going in to decide if I wanted to go or not, I don't remember. Skipping breakfast normally is bad, skipping breakfast when you're slightly anemic is REALLY bad. Just a note to the world there.

I don't want to fail. I really, really don't. Send some karma, and who knows? Maybe one day I'll name an ancient city after you.
Actually, no. I really want to find that stupid Atlantis already.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Top 5 Things People Shouldn't Do On a Mass Transit Train

This morning, as with every morning I commuted to school on the joyous adventure that is Vancouver's public transit system, the skytrain. I have decided over the years that certain things are just not ok to do whilst one is on public transit. Do not confuse these with things it's not ok to do in the car. The car is private. Privateish, but still. In no particular order, here are the things that just should. not. be done on public transit:

1) Standing in front of empty seats.
This bugs me. Today I wanted to sit down with my bag o' textbooks, but I had to push my way through. If there's a seat open, sit in it or move so someone else can.

2) Letting children sit on crowded trains.
Their five. Or three. I don't care. I'm nineteen, therefore, I am their elder and I deserve automatic cranky old lady respect. The cranky old ladies deserve even more cranky old lady respect. 5 year olds, well most of them anyway, seem to have an innate sense of balance. Let them use it. Or put them on your lap, they fit there.

3) Filing nails.
There is no weirder, creepier sound than nails being ground. There is no weirder, creepier feeling than sitting and wondering if you're breathing in someone's nail dust. Ew.

4) Putting on makeup.
I'm not talking lip balm. In my opinion, lip balm is super acceptable. Lips get dry and it's a unisex thing so everyone understands. However, if you have to put on concealer and eyeliner and shadow and mascara and blush, you need to wake up earlier. Isn't the point of makeup that everyone thinks it's natural?

5) Eating Pizza.
No other food annoys me. No other one, except pizza. I love pizza. I see pizza, I want pizza. It's also the most fragrant food ever. They did a study of British woman and found that their mouths watered more when they were presented with the smell of cheese melting on bread than when they smelt chocolate. Therefore, pizza is just like.... wow.

So, as a favour to civilization, stop it. just. stop. it.