Saturday, December 5, 2009

I'm applying for scholarships, this one makes you write an essay on a quote. The problem is that there isn't a quote about how your mother gripes at you all the time and how it makes you harbor violent thoughts.
I'm getting really sick of it. Every day it's like "have you found a job yet?" I have applied at every store at every mall. No. One. Wants. Me, which isn't exactly my fault. Every time she brings it up it just reminds me of the fact and makes me feel like crap. What does she want? Me to go into a place and be like "you have to hire me, my mothers making me work?"

The worst bit of it is that she doesn't once consider what I want or what's best for me. I need to be doing volunteer work and applying for scholarships right now. My goal is to do a lot of semester abroad programs. I don't have the money to do it, they only accept the most academically advanced students and they look at community service- they want an ideal citizen.

I want to take six classes- thats a lot. They're all anthro and history classes- homework and study heavy. If I want to get good marks I have to study, I can't be working 24/7. Besides, my brother went through a degree and he never had to work. I think the problem was I started working when I was twelve. What they don't realize, is that I've also been saving since I was twelve. If I cut back on drinking a bit, then I'll be fine.
They don't seem to understand that I'm trying so hard. My dad keeps finding me office jobs- I swear, it's always "they want someone full time who'll stay here a while." The two things I don't want are full time or to stay here.

The real issue is that I feel like no one cares what I think or what I want. They don't seem to care about my goals or my plans to achieve them.

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