Thursday, November 5, 2009

Bursting my Bubble

Well Internet, it seems that my plans for Spain have fallen. Today was my last day of work at the union and I have to use my savings to tide me over for the next bit. I'm not sad about not working there anymore, I really did despise that job. However, I am sad about the money not pouring in like it used to. I enjoyed being able to spend without discretion. It truly is a drug worse than any other- being able to spend. Feeling the hard plastic of a credit card and knowing that no matter what you won't be punished for using it because, lets face it, there's more where that came from. Having large amounts of money coming in every weeks was a godsend. It showed me how much I can truly do with money.

I could buy things for myself. Not just clothes and shoes, but books and food. If I felt like an eggplant that day, I would go to Safeway, pick up all the ingredients I needed and just make something with what I felt like. It was awesome. I went out every weekend. I drank more than enough for me and I was able to buy my friends drinks. I never freaked out about anything- $20 cover here, $9 drink there, cab ride? don't worry about it girls, whatever. It was fun, I felt like I was living how life ought to be lived. I realize now that sometimes I do take the generosity a little too far. I need to stop paying for people, it's time for people to start paying me back for everything over all the years when they were unemployed. The tables have turned, and it's kind of nice.... at least for me.

I also found a way to help people. Because I had money to spare, I started talking to one of those red cross people and I actually started donating- after making sure my money wouldn't pay for abortions of course. I volunteered a lot in the summer simply because I didn't have to worry about being able to afford to not work on weekends. I felt a lot better about myself knowing I wasn't just sitting on top of everything my Father worked for... which I'm kind of doing now.

The weirdest bit of the entire thing though, had to be the savings. I had never been a saver. I like to spend my money- time for work and time for play. I love carrying bags and feeling like a million bucks in something new. For the first time in my life, I was earning enough to be able to save a lot and still have heaps of disposable income. I saved $3,000 this summer and not once did I feel deprived. Now there's just visa bills to pay and an ever shrinking number in the savings spot.

Money did so much for me. It let me have whatever I want and made me feel like I was some amazing high class whatever. The fact of the matter is that I'm not. It's heaps of fun jumping into an illusion, the climb to the top of your mental pedestal. Eventually though, you fall off. Or it gets knocked down. All that's left to do is rebuild it, piece by piece.

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