Ok, I'm going to backtrack on this one to May 14th. I was getting ready to go to Europe and quite frankly, I was not happy. Not about the Europe bit, about life, about my life. It's true I have amazing friends, and yes, I have a stable family and a super cute dog. I'm constantly upbeat so logically there can't be anything wrong, but yet there is.
I'm not exactly sure, but from the minute I came home I felt.... burdened. I'm not sure by what exactly, but It felt like a dark force (star wars moment) was pushing me into a cemetery that was my life here with the words "here lies responsibility, dental surgery your too scared to get, and secrets beyond any comprehension. Home, Rest in Peace".
I realized something big: I left a life that I never really liked in the first place. How do you return to something that you don't want and somehow be okay with it?
I've chosen to tolerate it, I got a job like my mom wanted, I'll keep living at home and wishing I never had to see my parents again and I'll be stuck in the rut of this lifestyle for as long as it takes me to shake things up again and get out of it.
I just hope to god that happens really, really soon.