Monday, April 20, 2009

this may be considered a jane eyre spoiler.

I just finished Jane Eyre. It was wayy better than i thought it would be, but the end bugged me. 
If you haven't read the book, heres a brief overview: Jane grows up in a gross aunts family, Jane goes to boarding school, Jane falls in love, Jane leaves the guy, Jane goes back to him.
Something about the book didn't sit right with me, I think it's that she goes back to him. He hurt her, he showed her love but he was so dishonest with her. What in her right mind would make Jane not only think about him in her long absence, but then go back and marry the stormy petrel of a man. 

I guess it has to do with familiarity. Even if it doesn't feel right at the moment, it did at some time and maybe we just want that right to last forever. the problem is that nothing really stays right forever. things change, and it may be a different kind of right, but it won't be that pure strong right that we had before it got messed by people, by whatever. the worst of it is when you can pinpoint what screwed up the right. All that preoccupies your mind is what would happen if i hadn't done that? what if this had happened? would it have changed?

Think about it, if Jane hadn't run away and been Mr. Rochesters little mistress, would she have been happy? would he ever had married her once he everything he wanted and no commitment, no mystery, no hope? 
or if she had stayed in the little town and not gone back to him? would she have married st. john? would she have gone to india? would she have just stayed there and wasted away?
what if mr. rochester had stopped liking her in that time? what would she have done to get that love back to the way it was? what if she could just stay in a painful friendship waiting and waiting with no hope anything more would come, and all that she would feel is pain?
what if she tried, what if she tried for SO long but couldn't swallow the love and so all she did was hurt? 
what if mr. rochester decided he had never loved her at all?

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