Sunday, November 9, 2008

the purpose of life.

i do a lot of those surveys on facebook. i like to pretend people are interested in my life. the question prompted me, and inspired me.

i'm not sure yet. i suppose it's to be a functioning part of society- whatever that means. i sometimes think i was meant to travel the world, but then... i don't know about that either.
my name means helper of mankind, which makes me wonder if that isn't some sort of prophecy to fill. i mean really, how can one not only identify their purpose, but even then stick with the commitment they made to themselves?

I find that others tend to think that they should tell others their purpose. my mom thinks i should be an auctioneer, which does seem like a pretty good fit. i can talk fast and accuratley, and i LOVE being the center of attention and having people listen to me. even if what i'm saying is totally useless. it's also a pretty well demanded job.

My dad thinks i should go into real estate or commercial building projects. i know this mainly stems from the fact that i like money. Also it would give me a little bit of power i could abuse. i love to boss people around, and giving me power wouldn't be such a good idea.

My nonna thinks that failing me getting married right after high school ("Sandrina, when i was your age, i was getting married. eh?"), i should be a teacher. i like kids, and i do genuinley enjoy teaching people things. i really don't think i have the patience to teach, i mean i teach kids one class and i think, "why can they just warm up WITHOUT talking?!" i know all my dear old nonna wants is for me to be like her golden child, my mother.

Other people have thoughts rooted in self benefit: according to Chris i should get a high paying job so he can live on my couch and play warcraft all day, jordan thinks i should get into couture so i help launch his career by the powers of association.

I guess my intentions for my life will probably be rooted in self benefit, which sickens me a bit. I want to do whats best for me, but at the same time i feel so selfish and gross.

To be perfectly honest, thinking about life after may scares me. i really don't have any plans for my life, i'm slowly burning through my savings and i think my mental health is at serious risk. (see yesterday and the split ends hunt. amazingly i found more tonight. what is UP with my hair?!) I know a need a plan, but i really hate plans. making them not only sounds like a lot of effort, but i also hate how final it is. i feel like crap when i break them, and more often than not i do.

I think i'm just going to never cut my hair and spend the rest of my life cutting out split ends.


blair.jones said...

I love those facebook survey/notes things! I can spend so much time procrastinating doing those.

And my mental health is an issue too haha.

I just got my hair cut so I don't have any ends to pick when I'm bored.. boo.

♥cherry. le. fait. said...

my mental health has been at risk. what i think you're going through is a premature "quarter life crisis." it's a phase. i hope you can make it through okay [in good mental health]!

Rawr said...

omg, thanks guys!
i know, i do at least one survey a day. it's really bad, my friends are titleing them "i'm like sandra now!"

and mental health is becoming a very flexible term.
i like the quarter life crisis. i think it's so true- who doesn't get all sad and depressed around 18?