Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Long Overdue

Sandy has commitment issues.
I don't know why I stopped doing this, I just know I felt a strange, overwhelming urge to document the stuff that goes on in my head. And I already wrote in my pretty cursive journal and came to no conclusions. Maybe I'm just looking for people to comment on my life.
I am still living in that hope and a cloud of maybe, mind you, the subjects changed.
But, more importantly, I am now officially back in Vancouver. Sad, I know. I did end up going to Edinburgh and man, that is an amazing city. The thing that amazed me is how much stuff I accumulated. I'm kind of a slave to it, you know, stuff. I need to constantly have things. The next trip I'm planning is with a guy who I met in London. I really want to have an honestly half full bag. Really latch on to that bring half the stuff and twice the money thing. I want to be able to get rid of things.

I read a really good quote today, gotta love that Mark Twain:
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
Which made me think.
Lately I'm in a dilemma about a dress. Right after stating how I have too much stuff. Shut up.
Anyway, the dress. There may or may not be something I need a super amazing dress for. I need this dress to put out the "I am the most amazing woman on the planet and aren't you sorry you aren't with me?" vibe. I'm not sure how I want to do it.
I could go spicy- red, tight fitting. Very femme fatale. With heels. Bad girls always wear sexier shoes.
I could be romantic and girly- probably pink, probably ruffles. Sweetheart neckline. You know the drill, almost like we were in some fantastic rococo painting.
Do I want to be the climate or the company?

Which got me to thinking...
What am I now?

The sad bit about this is I don't even know what I want to be. And once I figure out what I am and what I want to be, how on earth do I go about being it?!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Welcome. On My Forehead.

I am the type who always looks after everyone. Always. I put everyone's needs before my own and I always end up sad and crying to myself at night because I don't take care of myself and I feel like a doormat. You'd think this might actually stop the cycle, one day I'd say "no, this is what I want and I'm taking it." However, if I don't do everything I can to make others happy all the time I feel like I'm a terrible person.
Before he left, the guy I currently am, well, lets be honest here, am irrationally in love with, asked me, "You're like me. You're always taking care of others but who's going to take care of you?"
Certainly not myself. It's sad isn't it, when you thought you were this emotionally strong person who had so many great attributes but you can't even have the strength to make sure you're okay.
I guess I'm the doormat forever.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Signs, Destiny and Idiocy.

Clerical Errors.
With a last name like Smith, you assume that people will automatically know how to spell your name. Remember in like, grade 7 or whatever when you got introduced to the "when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." parable? All I did was laugh because the teacher totally just said ass.
I never assume that I will make errors. I know this is stupid, and you can totally call me on it. 99% of the time I write on this it's because I've done something stupid and it's branched into some revelation that I need to write a much deeper than it really should be analysis of. It's not like I'm curing cancer here, I hope at the very least to entertain. Though my life feels like an endless plot of punch lines I hope there's something deeper.
My point.
By the time this goes live my best friend will (hopefully) know that I made a very huge, very epic clerical error. I forgot an underscore. I've always hated those bloody things, especially when people put two in a row and it's like "is that one, two, or five. Are you twenty, twelve, or nine?"
I would like to point out that my articles I write professionally are not so Joyce-esque. They're written properly with impeccable grammar, sentence structure and whatnot.
I've also been thinking a lot about fate. Do we get signs? If I go for the Catholic view I was raised with- which I'm totally considering thanks to St. Anthony for finding my elephant necklace and black hoodie, I could almost interpret the Saints sending me signs that I've been (pathetically, desperately) asking[/begging] for.
And what about love? I've never been an expert on the stuff, but I'm told it's fantastic and that you'll know when you are. How do you know? What if you know but you want to deny it, or transfer it. How does an intangible force rule the world?
The problem with me is that I ask so many questions, but never try for the answers or solutions.
Wish me luck on this one... That sentence totally just afforded me another sign. I think I'll listen.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Update on all that is Sandy...

You know what's unnecessarily complicated?
Booking a hostel in Edinburgh with the only information that it's 50 pounds a week.
Actually, considering the amount of hostels in Edinburgh this shouldn't surprise me. It's tough to book a trip where you don't have money or any clue what you're doing, however, it's what I got myself into, so there ya go.
In other Sandy news, Brushed got put under construction. I'm toiling away on the new Music Crush but Underpants (fashion!) is written and sent.
I leave in 125 days and I'm going to cover my journey on my other blog. It won't be launching until I leave (125 days!), and of course I'll still write on here.
Right now I'm in front of the hot tub at Harrison, which is totally calling me, but my dinner reservations are in half an hour.
For those of you in the loop, my semester abroad loop changed. I now fly into Rome, then head to Florence, Venice, Lucerne, Paris and finish classes in London. Then I have to figure out what to do with myself- If I'm not automatically considered for EU Medicare, I have to go back to Italy and live there for long enough to fill the requirements. I'm heading up to Scotland to stay with Sharna for Hogmanay- Scottish New Years! If that falls through though, I might just do the Topdeck package- provided they still have it.
Not having a plan kind of scares me, but at the same time I've never felt freer :)

**You might have noticed little links, they're totally clickable and done by me- you're welcome :)***

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Alphabet of Things I think are Wrong With Me A.

A while back, and I mean a WHILE back, I wrote for something.. I don't remember if it was this or not, and, inspired my one of my favourite comics, Animals Have Problems Too, I embarked on my own version of the alphabet of things I think are wrong with me. Except without drawings of animals. I failed art school. Don't judge me.


This is why I wake up in houses with 2 Irish guys, an Aussie and a Kiwi on the morning after St. Patricks day. Do a walk of shame in green thigh high socks. You'll love every moment of your life that is not that moment after that moment happens.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Required Reading?

It's there. Right there. In black ink glaring up at me.

Today I practically failed the midterm, mostly in part due to lack of preparation, I did not read the book, however, I didn't feel the shame or guilt wash over me until I saw it there. Right there. In black ink. I have just realized that no matter how much flack I give everything in life when I screw up, I'm really only hurting me. Not only my present self, but my future self and my past self.
Something in me wrote it. In black ink, it's there. Right there. Something in me wanted to do it, get through. What part of me tossed that aside when someone said, "Do it." Suddenly it became a requirement, something I was no longer doing for me. How did this happen?
Maybe everything that's required is really something I'm doing for me, because there. Right there. In black ink. It's listed as something I wanted to achieve and overcome. There, amongst the lists of books I want to ravage and defeat, it says:
"Aenid, Virgil"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

10 Things I Want To Do To The Guy In The Adjacent Study Thing.

I'm "studying", he's sleeping. It is tempting.
1) Push his head into his book.
2) Slam a book really loud and startle him
3) Start a really loud JOEL PLASKETT RADIO ATTACK!
4) Make pancakes and wave them by his nose. No one can sleep through pancakes.
5) Conspire with everyone to quietly leave the library so he wakes up confused.
6) Draw on him.
7) Put a kick me sign on his back
8) Hand in warm water, classic.
9) Take his tea bag out of his tea because it'll be too strong and I feel bad for him.
10) Tickle him.